I can usually sit down in front of my computer and my brain just kicks into writing mode. Today I am struggling. Struggling with the millions of emotions that are playing tug of war inside of me. Struggling with the flood of sadness that overtakes me when I think about what I am trying to say. And then struggling with a peace that calms me and then the guilt that pushes that peace aside.
My family lost an amazing woman last week. My Grandmother, Eleanor, was the quiet yet strong head of our family since my Grandfather passed away almost 20 months ago. She survived losing the love of her life, picking up the pieces of her life and learning how to live without him only to suffer from a massive stroke that would take her life.
I know everyone thinks their Grandparents are amazing. If we are lucky enough to have Grandparents in our lives, we grow up with memories and traditions that we pass onto our own children. But if you knew my Grandparents you would shake your head in agreement as I say my Grandparents were different. They were amazing and strong and caring and giving. My Grandparents were always my role models for what a relationship should be. My Grandfather would say the key to a successful marriage was doing whatever my Grandmother wanted. I used to laugh at that but he would smile and then say “isn’t that right, Ellie?”
After losing my Grandfather we were so afraid my Grandmother wasn’t going to be able to adjust to living alone. She was so lost at first. She would sit on her couch and look so sad but her response when someone asked if she was okay was always, “oh, I’m fine.” She was so amazing and strong.
As sad as I am that she is now gone, I am so grateful that I had the chance to say good-bye to her and hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her. What an amazing and heart wrenching experience that was for me.
The day after my Grandmother’s stroke she was taken to Legacy Hopewell House in Portland. I didn’t really know how to process the fact that she was being moved to a facility to die. It seems so cold and cruel. But when I walked into Hopewell House I was overcome by the feel of the house. And I say house and not facility because it was a house. It was warm and comfortable and the staff was so caring. I think half of their job there is to help families deal with losing a loved one and I am very grateful my family had the support and care they provided us.
I will miss you, Gramma. I will miss your gentle touch as your fingers always found my back to gently rub and comfort me. I will miss your sweet smile and the look on your face as you tasted a cookie or brownie or some other sweet my kids and I brought to you. I will miss your laugh. But I will always remember Christmas Eve dinners, you playing in the bell choir at church, you always fussing over how you looked and me always thinking you were the most beautiful woman I have ever known and the look on your face when you came to see me in the hospital after my daughter was born and me telling you her name was Eleanor. Thank you for being here for 45 years of memories.
Beautifully said, Erin. Your tribute to Grandma is wonderful and so very touching. She was a very special person to be sure.
My condolences on the loss of your grandmother. She sounds like a spectacular woman.
Erin, my grandmother was my best friend in the world- I know your pain and the loss you and your Mom are feeling. Your family is in my prayers. May your memories keep you filled with some measure of peace and comfort knowing she is with your darling grandfather xoxo
(((hugs)))
I’m so sorry for your loss. What a blessing to have such a wonderful woman in your life!
Thank you so much for sharing this. Your grandmother is a beautiful woman. This really hit home with me, because right now my grandmother is in an ICU hundreds of miles away in Arizona fighting for her life. She has been fighting since May, but will not give up. I have been down twice to be by her side, and each time she has improved. I pray that when her time comes, I too can be by her side to hold her hand and say good-bye. Thank you again for sharing!
Also, are you in Oregon?
I’m so touched by your tribute Erin. What a blessing your grandmother (and grandfather) has been to you. I pray that your wonderful memories will help to heal your grief.
What a beautiful tribute to her. Sounds like a special woman.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
Erin,
So sorry for the loss of your wonderful. For most of us our grandmothers are very special to us, and we have many wonderful memories with them, which help us through our loss.
Oh, Erin, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your gramma was a beautiful woman, both inside and out. I see a lot of her kind spirit in you and your mom. Sending you a big hug.
I’m so sorry, Erin. She sounds like she was an awesome grandma and person.
Tracy, aka Screaming Sardine
What a beautiful woman your grandmother was, and so wonderful you got to keep her for 45 years. I’m so sorry for your loss–it’s never easy, even when it’s expected.
I’m so sorry for you loss. You wrote a beautiful tribute to an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your memories with us. It is never goodbye, it is until we meet again….
Prayers for you and your family. You did write a beautiful tribute to her!!
I am sad and happy by your words today. Sad because I feel like I know what you must feel or something similar. Happy because you got Grandparents like I had, aren’t we lucky? 🙂 I was blessed with two sets of loving Granparents growing up. I lost all four of them many years ago. They weren’t here to meet my husband or my children. I miss them everyday.
My heart goes out to you. These things are never easy. You are so very lucky to have known your grandma as long as you did, and she taught you many things – including strength. There are so many happy times to remember! Always be thankful you had a chance to know her. Hugs!
My sincere sympathies goes out to you and your family. Your grandmother brought joy to your life. I like the fact how grandmothers teach their grandchildren and they draw confidence and pride thru them.They are a wonderful thing to have . Cherish all your memories of her and pass them on to your grandchildren . God bless you and the family.
This post was full of such warmth and tenderness. I can see clearly how much she meant to you, and I’m so very, very sorry for your loss.
Oh Erin…what a beautiful beautiful tribute to a very special lady. Sounds like she’s left a lovely trail of cherished footprints on your heart. Trusting the good Lord to cover you with His amazing grace and comfort now.
What a beautiful and heartfelt tribute to your grandma!! Love the pictures they really do show her personality!
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